^.~

27 October 2008

None can predict future, not many can forget the past. Life, unpredictable, unforgettable but undying. I nvr realize how many yesterday wasted, and i never knew when i will know..maybe tomorrow, weeks..months..years..? First came to Nilai, i was having quite a good profile, gameless, acedemically above average, good attittude, clean cut look, good physical as well and love+loved. Somehow, drasticly, negatively..tranformed!

All this was due to, LOVE! I really hope someone willing to listen, to cheer, and to carez..for i was left behind by her, the one that gime whole load of hopes. Frens wonder who is she? Theorically, she was suppose to be my ex, but she wasnt, my ex ex, which means..the one i loved for long..maybe her, but definately not her! Somehow, this time round, she was not a gf, not a friend either, how to describe status-cally, i dunoe. Together with her at the very 1st moment, things are predicted..because i am fresh and awake, i can calculate the consequences from every single positioning! I read people's mind well. I predicted a no end, but unexpected it ended in such a hurry. Hence, conclusion are fated by some fools that control peoples.

Till now, i am writing alone, i am surely, lonely. When i was desperating to leave secondary school, i realize how fun it was to be there. Put away academic pressure, life is much competitive, worth appreciated from past. I was someone, yet, i am nobody. If i were to say, to update myself realistically, surely there is something to write. Starting with lifestyle..i tot semester one i was having a bad one, stayed late midnight for surfing, gaming..but it really wasn't. I am having my worst nightmare in life, where i totally out of control. There is no specific sleeping time and there is no indication to do well in everything, even in my favourite chess, i lost confident..and love. Followed by sports, i mourned for there is lack in partners or facilities in the beginning, but still..i have badminton, pingpong, football, basketball..a lil chess as well. But now, none i am playing. The only improvement was obviously in dota. Together with my friend now, i feel part of them in game. I shall say i am no longer a noob, no longer weakening the team. Sometimes, i can even be the best. I looked pro, but i am not for i aint happy being a dota player. I rather being a chess boy that is curios about this game..a healthy athlete, an someone that learn dota once a while than someone that plays everyday. I knew it is change-able, but i am sure i ruined it all, it seems late..for i lost my confident, all of it. For the very first time yesterday, i followed friends to drink, carrick has half a glass, as for me, 3 glass of carlsberg is all it takes, but i am afraid it never ends. I just wanted to tell, it is all from her, for her but actually, for nothing i knew.

Sherlyn, i feel lyk telling u, i oso hurt..u can find me to talk, but i just cant find u for this. That made a different btw guys n girls..u girls can cry easily but i just can hide it all in heart..the same pain we both suffered, the different ways for expession.

Recently, i feel better, honestly! a bit better. For at least, i do homeworks and less skip classes. Currently, got 25classes missed ba..not boostful but honest! Days back, i was actually playing football with Abdi, i had a good sleep that night, gladfully.

Stay Cheerful, fresh and strong

8 October 2008

Unexpectable, i am writing in my new URL, where no one noes. I deleted several blogs, all about those leading me to drugs. Surely, people wonder what i did throughout Hari Raya. Unfortunately, i played dota days and night. Skipped breakfast, lunch were common. Furthermore, mum even used to see me 5pm everyday. Something wrong somewhere surely, exactly! My meaningful days were the visit Bukit Tinggi and celebrated grandma's birthday.

It is time to change. Love gave me hope, ruined my life, seems simple, yet complicated. Sherlyn, the only one knows my blog after i actually change my url, please keep it as secret. Lolz..i started blogging since April oOo!

I tried to own sumbody love thru sympathy, thru a lot a lot ways. Well, sry but i just cant control.. i cant be my ownself as i am lost for some period or that period. Anyway, i think somehow, i am awake. Very soon, everyday will be normal again. Right now, i am still looking for a reason to live. Hopefully, every tomorrow will be better.

Put your hand on the chest, it's beating, the heart is beating. I'm glad, i'm alive. Ma de, juz chatted wif someone, i smiles..lol..happily. Why? hehe..